《像素大战（2015）》完整中英文对照剧本

1982 年夏天 库柏

　店开了 Cooper, it"s open. 开了 It"s open? 快点 Come on! 一定超屌♥ It"s supposed to be awesome. 柠檬水 谢罗 Thank you. 零钱还我

　大烂人 Hey, give me back my quarters, you hoser! 妈 Mom! 电玩梦工厂

　盛大开幕 像素大战 吃豆人 可恶 Damn. 什么 What? 游戏结束 我真逊 I suck. 多一次

　高分 哇

　山姆 Wow, Sam. 你怎么这么厉害

　你又没打过 How are you so good at this? You"ve never even played it before. 我也不知道 I don"t know. 它们有一个移♥动♥模式

　注意看 There"s a pattern to how they"re moving. Watch. 我看不出来

　但你看出来了 I don"t see it, but you sure as hell do. 第 9 关

　第 4 回 保卫者 运用原力

　运用原力 Use the Force. Use the Force. 星际大战 楚巴卡 Hey, Chewie. 你简直是超级巨星 You"re a superstar, dude. 该让大家见识你的厉害了 And it"s time to show the world. 1982 年世界电玩锦标赛 各位选手请注意 Attention, all contestants. 比赛将在 15 分钟后开始 The competition will start in 15 minutes. 你也是

　太好笑了 You too? That"s so funny. 真的吗 Really? 我觉得你也超性感 I think you"re pretty darn foxy yourself. 丽莎女神 丽莎女神

　我会永远爱你 Lady Lisa, I"ll love you till the end of time. -你在跟谁讲话

　-没有 -Who are you talking to? -Nobody! 等一下再聊 We"ll talk later. 你是神奇小子拉德洛

　对吧 You"re Ludlow Lamonsoff, the Wonder Kid, right? 谁告诉你的

　政♥府♥吗 Who told you that? The government? 我差一点就要解开

　百慕达三角洲之谜了 "Cause I"m this close to figuring out the secret of the Bermuda Triangle. 你一定没朋友吧 Wow, you don"t have any friends, do you? 只有我阿嬷 Just my grandma. 神奇小子

　你可以跟我们混 Well, Wonder Kid, you can hang out with us. 真的吗 Really? 宅男和鲁蛇

　你们好 What"s up, geeks and goobers? 人家都叫我旋风之火 They call me the Fire Blaster! 因为我的手快如旋风 "Cause my hands are blazing fast, 能够打趴所有逊咖对手 and also I will blast and burn all my competitors" weak-ass moves. 你们一定是本地的"惊英" You must be the local talent. 若要比谁长得抱歉

　我就输定了 If this was a fugly contest, I"d be in trouble. 至少我们没乱取绰号♥

　旋风之火 At least we didn"t make up our own nicknames, Fire Blaster. 管他是谁想出来的 Who cares who came up with it? 这称号♥帅呆了 It"s totally tubular. 欢迎各位选手光临第一届 Welcome, gamers, to the first annual 1982 年世界电玩锦标赛 世界电玩锦标赛 Worldwide Video Arcade Championships! 今晚我们有来自金氏世界纪录 Tonight, we have representatives here from the Guinness Book of World Records, 以及 NASA 国家太空总署的代表 as well as NASA, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, 他们将录下今晚的比赛 who will be videotaping tonight"s competition 收录到 1982 年

　新闻与流行文化选集中 to be included in a compilation of 1982"s news events and popular culture. 这支录影带将放在太空探测器中 That videotape will be placed in a space probe 由太空总署送上太阳系 which will be launched by NASA into our solar system 希望与可能存在的外星生命联♥系♥ with the hope of connecting to, and perhaps providing a message for 甚至提供讯息给他们 extraterrestrial life, should it exist. 他们存在的 It exists. 各位先生女士 Ladies and gentlemen, 比赛开始 start your gaming! 青蛙过街 各位

　今晚实在太精彩了 All right, ladies and gentlemen, what an evening we have had here. 总共创下六项新的全美纪录 Six new US records set. 三项新的世界纪录 Three new world records set. 战绩出炉了

　有两人战成平手 And, as the smoke clears, right now we have a tie. 新任吃豆人世界冠军得到 259 分 Two hundred and fifty-nine points for your new Pac-Man world champion. 旋风之火

　埃迪 The Fire Blaster, Eddie Plant! 帅啊

　旋风之火 Go, Fire Blaster! 新出炉的小蜜蜂大蜈蚣世界冠军

　也得到 259 分

　 And 259 points for your new Galaga Centipede world champion,

　超级新人王 rookie sensation, 山姆布伦纳 Sam Brenner! 赞啦

　山姆 Yeah, Sam! 各位

　我们来一决高下 Well, gentlemen, how "bout we break this tie. 决胜项目是... Let"s play 大金刚 Donkey Kong! 祝你好运 -Good luck, man. -Thanks. 谢了

　你很了这些电玩的模式 You have the patterns down pretty good with these games. 要打败你不简单 You"re gonna be tough to beat. 第 1 关

　第 2 关 第 4 关

　第 5 关 第 11 关 第 9 关 第 16 关

　第 19 关 大金刚的特色是关卡越高 You see, the thing about Donkey Kong is, 障碍就越难掌握

　非常混乱 at the higher levels the barrels become more random, possessed almost. 已经没有模式可遵循 And playing by the patterns doesn"t do the trick anymore. 对吧

　布伦纳 Does it, Brenner? 第 20 关 第 21 关 第 22 关 第 21 关 第 22 关 游戏结束 恭喜你 Congratulations. 得到第二名 On coming in second! 旋风之火勇夺世界冠军 Fire Blaster is the world champ! 本地的土包子想赢却赢不了 The local yokel looked destiny in the eye and blinked. 他一日鲁蛇

　终生鲁蛇 He"s a loser, and he will always be a loser. 山姆 Sam! 山姆

　等一下 Sam, Sam, wait. 山姆

　听我说 Sam, listen. 你还是会上麻省理工学院

　 You"re still gonna go to MIT 发明新科技变成富豪 and invent something that makes you a millionaire. 说不定还能娶林慧萍 And maybe even marry Olivia Newton-John. 我比较想娶金瑞瑶 I was actually thinking Samantha Fox. 不错

　但她又不是杨林 Nice, but she"s no Sheena Easton. 喔 Well, 反正还有麦当娜 there"s always Madonna. 史嘉蕾乔韩森怎么样 How about Scarlett Johansson? 超辣 So hot. 比不上荷莉贝瑞

　可是超辣 Not Halle Berry hot, but so, so hot. 别忘了凯蒂佩芮 And don"t forget Katy Perry. 这是干嘛

　我们太老了

　有够恶 What are we doin" right now? We"re too old. It"s just gross already. 而且你娶了一个恨你的女人 Plus, you"re married to a woman who hates you. 她不恨我

　只是不了解状况 She doesn"t hate me. She just doesn"t get it, you know. 我们不像十年前有时间相处 We don"t have the free time to do stuff together like we did 10 years ago. 这份工作快害死我了 This job is killing me, man. 如果我是你 If I were you, 就一天找半小时关掉手♥机♥ maybe a half hour a day, turn off the cell phone, 不看电邮

　别吃零食

　专心陪老婆 shut down the emails, put away the Reggie bars and focus on your wife. 总统今天继续当众出糗 The President"s gaffe-filled summer continued today... 等等

　我得看一下 Hold on a second. I gotta see this. 在约尼小学 ...at Joseph Knibb Elementary School

　推广青少年阅读活动 to promote his new youth reading initiative. 请看下面的报导 Here"s what happened. 小米跳上桌

　打翻一整碗汤 "Mittens jumped up onto the table and knocked over the whole bowl of soup. 皮太太倒抽...一口气 "Mrs. Pickles gassed... Gasped." 她倒抽一口气 She gasped. 整个房♥间陷入一片安静 "And the whole room fell silent. 真是惨不... "This was casta... 真是惨不... "This is cast... 惨不忍♥嘟 "Catatastrophic." 惨不忍♥睹 Catastrophic. 我知道啦

　小朋友 I got it, sweetheart, okay? 你干嘛这么凶 Why"d you yell at me? 你好坏 You"re mean. 不要凶她 Leave her alone. 总统不识字 The President can"t read. 你得好好认字

　没别的办法 You gotta learn how to read, buddy. It"s as simple as that. 我才睡三个小时 I was on three hours" sleep, all right? -你的经济方案伤害了穷♥人♥

　-大家好 -Your economics are hurting poor people! -Nice to see ya! 你双手沾满了无辜小孩的鲜血

　 You"ve got the blood of innocent children on your hands.

　感谢大家支持 Thank you for your support. -你害我没钱上大学

　-好漂亮的衣服 -I can"t afford to go to college because of you! -That"s a lovely dress. -你毁了这个国家

　-我们一起努力 -You"re ruining the country! -Yeah, we"re all in this together, now. 你日子真不好过

　兄弟 You got a rough life, bud. -先生

　-谢谢 -Sir? -Thank you. 但至少你还有人生 But at least you have a life. 布伦纳

　你不该只有这样 Look, Brenner, you"re meant for something more than this. 你需要把才华发挥在有用的地方 You just need to channel your genius into something productive. 以前你是电玩高手

　 I mean, you were incredible at video games back in the day, 但现在那已经没三小路用 but that"s a useless skill now. 就像很会挖茅坑而已 It"s like being a great blacksmith. 好伤人喔

　真是惨不忍♥嘟 That hurt, man. That"s catatastrophic that you said that. 我会让你后悔说出这句话 I"m gonna get you back for that. 总统先生

　要是关闭所有图书馆 Mr. President, if you take away all the libraries, sir, 孩子要怎么学习阅读 how will the children ever learn to read? 挖茅坑工人闪人了 Blacksmith, over and out. 关岛

　伊戈村 上午 6 点 22 分 安德森空军基地 关岛 1 号♥公路 你好

　我是拳国电子服务员 Hello. I am a nerd from the Nerd Brigade. 给您揪感心的总统级服务 Here to nerd out on all your audio and visual needs. 你们每次来都要讲这句吗 Do you have to say that every time you show up at a house? 想领薪水就得讲 If I wanna get paid, yes. 这样不是很假掰吗 Isn"t that kind of demeaning? 有人提出来才会 Only if someone brings it up. -好

　那我不提了

　-谢谢 -Okay, I won"t bring it up, then. -Thanks. 请进 Come on in. 需要安装什么 So, what am I installing? 85 寸 4K 的 3D 电视 A new 85-inch, 4K, 3D TV, PS4 游戏机

　7.1 环绕喇叭 PlayStation 4, 7.1 surround-sound speakers. 你们卖♥♥的我们大概都买♥♥了 Really, if you guys sell it, we"ve probably bought it. 今天你生日吗 Is it your birthday? 不是

　我爸妈要离婚了 No, my parents are getting a divorce. 那就像一天过十次生日 So it"s like 10 birthdays. 我爸劈腿 19 岁的皮拉提斯老师 Yeah, my dad cheated on my mom with his 19-year-old Pilates instructor. 她叫肉贵

　昂贵的贵 Her name"s Sinnamon, with an "S" 人如其名 which really tells you all you need to know about her. 我想多知道一点

　有她照片吗 No, I could hear a little more. You got any pictures? 开玩笑啦

　我很遗憾 I"m kiddin". I"m sorry to hear that. 我妈现在超恨我爸 My mom kind of hates him right now. 她说要发明一种贱♥人♥飞弹炸死肉贵 And she says she"s gonna invent a slut-seeking missile to take out Sinnamon. 马帝

　不必跟安装员讲我们的故事 Okay, Matty, you don"t need to tell the nice installer man our whole life. 哇靠 Whoa. 抱歉

　哇靠 I"m sorry, "Whoa"? -怎样

　-因为你

　哇靠 -What? -No, just you. Whoa. 我

　哇靠

　完全不懂 Me? Whoa? I don"t even know what that means. 因为你儿子告诉我

　 I mean, it"s just, when your son told me

　你老公为了 19 岁女生离开你 that your husband left you for a 19-year-old, 我以为你会像... I guess I thought you were gonna be, like 中学时代当校花 one of those "hot when we first met in high school, 成年之后变笑话那种人 "but then let herself go and got a potbelly and turkey neck 下巴还长毛 "with a hairy chin." 但显然你不是那样 But clearly that"s not the case. 所以哇靠

　 So more like, "Whoa,

　早上出门前我该刷牙 I should have brushed my teeth before I left the house this morning." 老实说

　我住的是雅房♥ Or studio apartment, if we"re getting real here. 你早上真的没刷牙吗 Did you really not brush your teeth this morning? 不

　我有 No, I did. 我该开始安装了 I guess I should just start settin" this stuff up right now. 你忙吧 Go get "em. 狄佛瑞上校 Colonel Devereux. 你应该看看这个 You need to see this, sir. 我们遭受攻击了 We"re under attack. 那些是什么鬼东西 What the hell are those things? 你是电动玩家 So are you a gamer? 对 Yeah. 我在你这年纪常打 I played when I was your age. 你厉害吗 Were you any good? 有些经典游戏相当拿手 I was pretty good at some of the classic games. 经典

　你是说最后一战和决胜时刻 Classics. You mean like Halo and Call of Duty. 不

　真正的经典 No! The real classics. 保卫者

　吃豆人

　爆破彗星 Defender, Pac-Man, Asteroids. 在电动游乐场玩的游戏 Games you played in an arcade 要出门去的一种地方 which was a building outside of your house. 你会跟朋友去

　听音乐

　 You would go there with your friends, listen to music,

　到处都有漂亮女生 cute girls everywhere. 古时候那叫社交 In ancient times, they called it "socializing." 你们在聊什么 What are you guys talking about? -电玩游戏

　-电玩游戏 -Video games. -Video games. 我马上回来 I"ll be right back. 范太太 Mrs. Van Patten. 楼下都装好了 All finished up down there. 麻烦签一下作业单 I need you to sign the work order. 好 Okay. 范太太

　你在更衣室里吗 Mrs. Van Patten, are you in the closet? 对 Yes. 我没别的意思

　你在里面干嘛 Not judging, but what are you doin" in the closet? 主要是在哭 I"m mostly crying. 顺便喝点酒 A little drinking. 应该是边哭边喝酒 Probably equally crying and drinking. 我也常干这种事 Something I do often, also. 但为什么要在更衣室里 But why in the closet? 因为我不要让马帝看到 Because I don"t want Matty to see me. 我要进更衣室罗

　范太太 I"m comin" in the closet, Mrs. Van Patten. 我要开门了 I"m opening the door. 你还好吗 Are you all right? 我在更衣室地上啜泣

　拿鸭嘴杯喝白酒 I"m sobbing on the floor of my closet drinking Chardonnay out of a sippy cup. 所以应该不太好 So I guess not. 抱歉

　我收回这问题 Sorry. I withdraw the question. 天啊 God. -想聊聊吗

　-不想 -Wanna talk about it? -No. 想 Yes! 想 Yes. 天啊 God. 长官

　我们正遭到不明武力空袭 Sir, we are in the midst of an aerial attack by an unidentified force! 派出快速反应部队 Activate the QRF. 啊娘喂

　不 Mama! No! 我们是高中情侣

　人人称羡 We were high-school sweethearts. The perfect couple. 你知道他在瀑布下求婚吗 Do you know that he proposed in a waterfall? -真的瀑布耶

　-不赖 -I mean, a freaking waterfall. -Smooth. 现在

　根据我 20 分钟前

　收到的简讯 But now, according to a text I got 20 minutes ago, 他要娶一个

　用香料当名字的 19 岁女人 he"s marrying a 19-year-old named after a spice. 而且还用错别字 It"s not even spelled correctly. 没想过我会沦落至此 It"s just not where I thought I"d be at this point in my life. 天啊

　我了 God. I hear that. 我想跟我前妻生小孩 I was supposed to have a baby with my ex-wife. 帮我们的医生果然帮我们如愿 And the doctor who was helping us make the baby did help us make the baby. 他成了孩子的爸 But, unfortunately, I wasn"t in the room. 或许这样才是最好的 Maybe this really is all for the best. 什么意思 How do you mean? 你嫁错老公

　最糟的部分结束了 You already married the wrong guy. You got the worst part over with. 真的

　你也娶错老婆 True, and you married the wrong girl. 也许那表示我们会遇见对的人 Maybe it just means we"re gonna meet the right person now. 是啊 Yeah. 嗯 Yeah. 你想吻我吗 Are you trying to kiss me? 绝对没有 Absolutely not. 天啊 God. 抱歉

　我以为我们刚刚来电了 Sorry, I thought we were having a moment. 对

　幸好没被烧焦 We were. A moment. 你看来是好人

　但我刚认识你 Look, you seem like a very nice guy, but I just met you, okay? 希望你别介意 And, no offense, 我没想过自己的新欢体重 95 公斤 I don"t think my rebound guy is a 210-pound person 靠安装电视赚钱 that installs flat screens for a living. 第一

　我才 94 公斤 First of all, 208. 我也没想到你这么势利 And, wow, I didn"t peg you as the snobby type. 势利

　我 Snob? Me? 听好 Okay. 我才不是势利鬼 I am not a snob. 假设我是亿万富豪

　 Okay, well, let"s just say I was a billionaire,

　我们搭我的豪华游艇 and we were out on my giant yacht 遨游地中海

　啜饮香槟

　 in the middle of the Mediterranean, sipping champagne, 然后我想吻你 and I went in to kiss you. 你会回吻我吗 Would you have kissed me back, then? 等一下

　势利鬼 Hold that thought, snobby. 大人物 Big Man! 你能立刻赶来白宫吗 Can you get to the White House right now? 15 分钟后到 I"ll be there in 15. 虽然我很想留下来听你撒谎

　 While I"d love to stick around and listen to you lie

　说你不想跟游艇富豪亲热 about not wanting to make out with the yacht guy, 但我得走了 I have to go. 听清楚

　我吻功一流 For the record, I"m an amazing kisser. 我们宅男都是 All us nerds are. 因为我们比较懂得接吻的美 "Cause we appreciate it more. 你早上连牙都没刷 You didn"t even brush your teeth this morning. 我吃了一颗薄荷喉糖 I ate a Tic Tac. 来不及了

　亲爱的

　你自己错失一次机会 Too late, sweetheart. You had your shot and ya blew it. 我没有跟踪你 I"m not following you. 随便你

　跟屁虫

　没搞头

　认了吧 Yeah, whatever you say, stalky. It"s over. Deal with it. 她 3.4 秒变肖婆

　新世界纪录 Whoa, she went from zero to psycho in 3.4 seconds, a new world record. 史蒂夫 Hey, Steve-O. 有个疯婆子跟踪我

　 There"s a crazy woman following me.

　我敢说她是来枪杀总统的 I guarantee she"s here to shoot the President. 劝你拿根棍子痛扁她一顿

　 And if I were you, I"d break out the billy club and go full throttle on her,

　真的 seriously. 请直接通过

　中校 Go right on through, Lieutenant Colonel. -你干嘛跟着我

　-天啊 -Why are you following me? -God. 他们竟然让你进来 God. I can"t believe they even let you in here. 对啊 Right. 范中校

　你可以直接进入战情室 Colonel Van Patten, you can go right into the Situation Room. 战情室需要我

　 See, they need me in the Situation Room,

　祝你玩得开心 so have fun doing whatever you"re doing. 布伦纳先生

　总统在办公室等您 Mr. Brenner, the President is waiting for you in the Oval Office. 有人比你更重要呢 Somebody"s more important. 佛莱迪

　别让小咖进来撒野 Freddy, can you keep the riffraff outta here? 怎样 Yo, wassup? 拜托

　至少换件衣服吧 Come on, you couldn"t have at least changed? 你叫我赶过来的 You told me to rush right over. 怎么回事

　外面怎么乱成那样 What"s going on, man? Why"s it so crazy out there? 关岛的空军基地遭到攻击 Our Air Force base in Guam was attacked. 被谁 By who? 不确定

　所以我想问你 I"m not sure. That"s what I wanted to ask you. 过来看一下 Come here. Check this out. 我 Me?

　对

　过来 Yes, you. Come here. 仔细听 Listen to this. 听起来耳熟吗 Does that sound familiar to you? 对

　我在哪听过 Yeah. Where do I know that from? -能暂停吗

　-好

　等等 -Can you freeze it? -Yeah, hold on. 放大 Go in tighter. -不会吧

　-所以你想的跟我一样 -That can"t be real. -So you"re seeing the same thing I"m seeing. 我们吃的汉堡里加了什么料 What kind of mushrooms did that guy put on our burgers? -他们准备好了

　总统先生

　-很好 -They"re ready for you, Mr. President. -Great. 我得去向国安会解释

　 Now I gotta explain this to the National Security Council.

　帮个忙

　山姆 Listen, do me a favor, Sam. 再看一次

　 Watch that again, okay?

　找找有帮助的线索 And just see if there"s anything you can find to help us out. 好

　我能坐你的龙椅吗 Yeah. Can I sit in your chair? 不行

　这里有监视录影 No, you can"t, and everything"s recorded. 好

　我不坐... Okay, I won"t. I won"t. I won"t. 我偏要坐

　不坐是白♥痴♥ I"m sittin" in the chair. Gimme a break. 总统先生

　我们告诉媒体

　 Mr. President, we told the press

　那是先进武器测试失灵 that it was an advanced weapons test that misfired. -所以尚未引起恐慌

　-很好 -So there"s no mass panic yet. -Well, good. 那就尽快解决这件事 Then let"s solve this thing before there is. 总统先生

　无人机科技有重大突破

　 Mr. President, someone"s made a major breakthrough in drone technology 但不是我们 and it wasn"t us. 这一看就是莫斯科的伎俩 This has got Moscow"s fingerprints all over it. 胡扯

　这是伊朗的机密行动 Nonsense! It"s an Iranian black-ops sideshow. 我打包票 I guarantee it. 我有个想法

　 I have a theory. 根据影片分♥析♥ I think, based on analysis of the footage, 初步结果显示我们正遭受... that preliminary indications are that we were attacked by 小蜜蜂攻击 Galaga. 谁

　总统 By who, sir? 小蜜蜂 Galaga. 王八蛋 Sons of bitches. 把小蜜蜂轰到地狱去 Then let"s blow Galaga to hell. 小蜜蜂是谁 Who"s Galaga? 80 年代的老式电玩

　我爸玩的那种 It"s an old-timey video game, "80s kind of folks like my dad used to play. 总统先生

　地球上

　没有一个国家的军事科技 Mr. President, there is no nation on Earth that has the military technology 能把整栋大楼变成小方块 to simply pixelate entire buildings. 除了伊朗 Except Iran. 不可能是伊朗

　 Forget Iran! 我想是某先进跨国组织干的 I"m thinking this is a cutting-edge multinational enterprise. 非政♥府♥组织

　智库

　甚至一家公♥司♥ An NGO, a think tank, maybe even a corporation. 怀疑伊朗

　不如怀疑 Google We"re thinkin" Iran when we should be thinking Google. 那就轰炸 Google So let"s blow up Google. 谁能拿走这位阿公的钥匙

　以免他载我们去跳海 Can somebody take Grandpa"s keys away before he drives us into a ditch? -这家伙是谁

　-三明治小弟 -Who is this person? -The sandwich guy? 这位是我以前的电动玩具... This here is my old arcade game technical 技术顾问 advisor person-guy. 山姆布伦纳

　在科技业工作 Sam Brenner. He works in the tech sector. 加州理工学院还是 MIT 毕业 So Caltech, MIT? MIT

　对 MIT. Yes. 不过是麻绳理工学院 Mississippi Institute of Technology, though. 不是你们想的那间 Not the one you were thinking of. 针对目前的问题

　 Anyway, more to the current point, 布伦纳先生是世界小蜜蜂冠军 Mr. Brenner here was the World Galaga Champion. 他对这种游戏了若指掌 He knows everything there is to know about this game. 你穿着橘子装来有话要说吗 So, what is it you and your orange shorts barged in here to say? 攻击我们的小蜜蜂 Just the Galaga that attacked us, 已经绝版了 that doesn"t exist anymore. 拜托

　手♥机♥下载只要 1.99 元 Hello. You can download Galaga on your phone for $1.99. 这版本没办法

　小白脸 Yeah, not this version though, Blue Lagoon. 现在的小蜜蜂发行于 1986 年 The Galaga that exists now came out in 1986. 但这是 1982 年的游乐场版本 But this is the 1982 arcade version. 他们把那些机器全部回收 And all those machines, they recalled them, they reprogrammed them, 改写程式

　因为原始码有问题 because there were glitches in the original code. 从超大太空昆虫的

　进攻方式就能看出来 You can see from the giant space bugs, the way they come swoopin" in. 呈之字形前进 Kind of ziggy-zaggy. 之字形

　这不是势利鬼用的字眼吗 Ziggy-zag? Is that the snobby term? 所以有人根据 So someone designed these space bugs 30 年前的绝版电玩 after an old out-of-print version of a video game from 30 years ago 设计了这些太空昆虫 that nobody would know today? 她有资格发言吗

　她根本算不上个咖 Does she really get to talk twice? She"s not even at the grown-ups table. 不好意思

　这是国安会议 I"m sorry. Is this a National Security Council meeting, 还是宿舍嗑药趴 or a dorm-room drug party? 我国已遭受不明军事力量攻击 Our nation has just been attacked by an unknown military force. 媒体要是知道

　我们把责任怪到 If this gets out to the press that we"re pinning the blame 老式电玩上 on some old computer game, 他们不但会在新闻上嘲笑您

　还会把您轰下台 they"ll not only mock you in the news, Mr. President, they"d impeach you! 所以我建议橘色短裤哥立刻出去 So I suggest the man in the orange shorts leave the room immediately. 我们这些穿长裤的政♥府♥官员 And those of us with long pants and government positions 可以留下来讨论 can discuss our options. 布伦纳

　帮个忙

　 All right, Brenner. Do me a favor.

　回避一下

　感谢帮忙 Take off, all right? I appreciate the help. 掰 Bye! 抱歉

　各位长官 Sorry, everybody. 总统先生 Mr. President. 各位将军与海军上将 Generals and Admirals. 穿西装的男性 Guys in suits. 柴克艾佛隆 Zac Efron. 甘道夫 Gandalf, 和哈利波特♥共♥处一室 and Harry Potter in the same room. 想像一下 Imagine that. 老阿公

　养老院见 Grandpa, we"ll see you around the nursing home. 三明治小弟来了 The sandwich guy is here. 被我耍了 Fooled you. 球飞过游击手到左中外野

　一垒安打 Past the shortstop into left center field for a single. 这是国民队连续第二局

　一开始就上一垒 That"s the second straight inning where Washington has led off with a single. 大家在讨论他直挺挺站在垒包上 They"re talking about how he"s standing straight up over the plate. 这招对他似乎很有用

　 That seems to be working out for him,

　他能将球打到无人防守地带 "cause he just drove that ball into the gap hard. 第一球略偏

　一坏球 First pitch taken outside for a ball, 1-0, 挥棒... and the 1-0 swung... 布伦纳 Brenner! 你有毛病啊 What"s your problem, dude? 怎么回事 What"s goin" on? 不要...布伦纳 No, Brenner! 布伦纳

　不... No, Brenner, no, no, no! 住手

　是我...拉德洛 Stop! It"s me! It"s me! It"s Ludlow! It"s Ludlow. -拉德洛

　神奇小子

　-对 -Ludlow Lamonsoff, the Wonder Kid? -Yeah. 你怎么上我的车 How"d you get into my van? 你进了那女士家后我就在车上 I"ve been in there ever since you went to that nice lady"s house. 对了

　她挺正的 She"s cute, by the way. 什么 What? -那是什么

　-保湿乳液 -What is that? -This is moisturizer. 让我看那是什么 Show me what that is. 三氯甲烷 三氯甲烷 Chloroform? 上面是这样写的吗 Is that what that says? 你想下药害我 You were gonna drug me? -逼不得已才会

　-你到底是... -Only as a last resort. -What are you... -我有事得告诉你

　-那怎么不打电♥话♥给我 -There was something I had to tell you. -Why didn"t you call me, then? 我发现肯尼迪遇刺影片经过剪接 Because the CIA has been tapping my phones 之后中情局就在窃听我电♥话♥ ever since I found out the Zapruder film has been edited. 是肯尼迪先开枪的 JFK shot first! 拉德洛

　真的是你 Ludlow, it is you! -兄弟

　让我看看你

　-真高兴见到你 -Hi, buddy! Let me look at you! -Hey! Good to see you, my boy! 你好吗

　天啊

　你看你 How are you? My goodness! Look at you! -就是啊

　-还是这么壮 -I know. -Stayin" in shape! 我在吃全蛋白质饮食

　不过也吃碳水化合物 I"m on an all protein diet, but I"m also doing carbs. -很好

　-说真的

　布伦纳 -Good. -But seriously, Brenner. 我得给你看样东西 There"s something I have to show you. 应该说 And let"s just say 它会扭转大局 it"s a game changer. 肯尼迪被复♥制♥了吗

　51 区的新丑闻 你是我第一个自愿来访的客人 You"re the first guest I"ve had here. Voluntarily. 令人震惊啊 That"s a shocker. 追寻道场 如果丽莎女神是真的 If Lady Lisa was real, 她大概已申请 17 道禁制令给你 she"d have about 17 restraining orders out on you. 我想她如果是真的

　 Actually, I think if she was real,

　情况可能有点不同 things might just play out a little bit differently. 想知道我怎么知道吗 You wanna know how I know that? "如果她是真的" If She Was Real. 拉德洛着 A book written and illustrated by Ludlow Lamonsoff. 哇靠 Boy. 你应该拿去惊石堂卖♥♥ You should sell that at Barnes & Unstable. -你要一本吗

　-不要 -Do you want a copy? -No. 我还有八本 I have eight others. 我来这里干嘛

　你干嘛想下药害我 Why am I here right now? Why did you try to roofie me? 对

　谢谢你提醒我

　跟我来 Right. Thank you for reminding me. Okay. Follow me. 今天稍早

　我国的关岛基地

　 Earlier today, our military base in Guam

　被这个人

　小蜜蜂攻击 was attacked by this guy, Galaga. 你怎么知道 How would you know that? 我有个关岛笔友

　他叫宝宝 I have a pen pal in Guam. His name is Baubau. 宝宝吓坏了 Baubau was terribly frightened, 所以我黑进政♥府♥的伺服器

　 so I hacked into the government"s servers

　向宝宝保证一切正常 to assure Baubau that everything was okay. 可是你知道吗

　一切并不正常 But you know what? Everything was not okay. 拉德洛

　出去有帮我买♥♥低卡沙士吗 Ludlow! Did you get me some diet root beer while you were out? 你记得我阿嬷 You remember my grandma. 这么多年了

　她还是那副德性 She"s still a character after all those years. 不

　阿嬷

　好奇怪 No, no, Grandma! It"s funny.

　我没机会去

　因为... I didn"t get a chance to because... 怎么了

　噢

　我记起来了 What happened? I remember now. 我正想拯救世界免于毁灭 I"m trying to save the world from annihilation! 你疯了吗 Are you nuts? 蠢白人 You cracker! 不要吼我 Don"t yell at me! 我知道大家以为我想太多 So look, I know that sometimes people think of me as a bit of a conspiracy nut. 对 Right. 但有时候

　布伦纳 But sometimes, Brenner, sometimes 阴谋是真的 the conspiracies are real. 你最近常玩太空侵略者吗 Have you been playing Space Invaders a lot lately? 对

　你怎么知道 I have. How did you know that? 因为你侵略我的领域了

　后退 "Cause you"re invading my space. Back up. 布伦纳

　记得小时候

　 Brenner, do you remember when we were children,

　我们参加电玩锦标赛吗 and we played in that video game championship? 当然记得 Of course, buddy. 记得有一卷录影带

　 Do you remember how there was a tape of the event

　录下比赛过程和所有游戏 and all the games that were played 被放进太空舱

　然后射进宇宙 that was then put in a capsule and shot out into the universe 寻找外星生命吗 looking for extraterrestrial life? 我有理由相信某种外星生命

　发现了那卷影带 I have reason to believe that some alien life force found that tape 将他们所见内容的真实版本 and has sent down real-life versions of what they saw 派来攻击我们 to attack us. 布伦纳

　我花一整天在网路上 Brenner, I spent the day on 4chan 搜寻外星人讯息

　证明我的理论 searching for messages from the aliens to prove my theory. -你想知道一件事吗

　-告诉我 -And you wanna know something? -Tell me. 我什么都没找到 I came up absolutely empty. 为了喘口气

　我站起来 So then, as a distraction, I got up 想看一集昨晚录的 to try to watch an episode of One Tree Hill

　"篮球的天空" that I recorded on my VCR last night. 我最近都在追这部影集 I"ve been binge-watching to catch up. 你没有第四台是因为... And you don"t have cable because... 因为政♥府♥透过

　第四台电视盒监视我们 Because the government spies on us through our cable boxes, Brenner. 这有人证实过了 That"s been proven. 你不要他们看到你穿着内♥裤♥

　 And you don"t want them to see you dancin" around 跳舞给丽莎女神看了 in your underwear for Lady Lisa. I get it. 不

　那卷影带三个月前烧毁了 No, that tape was burned three months ago. Anyway... 在超高频播送过程中 In the middle of the UHF broadcast, 女主角的性感片段受到干扰 something peculiar interrupted Sophia Bush"s sexy shenanigans. 不

　你这怪咖... No, you"re the freak with the fat... 美国总统徽章 地球居民 Inhabitants of Earth, 我们来自浮鲁拉星 we are a race from the planet Volula. 我们以你们熟悉的地球人外型前来 We came to you in these familiar Earth forms 通知你们我们收到你们的太空舱 to tell we received your vessel. 还有里面的不友善威胁 And in it, your hostile challenge. 我们接受你们提议

　进行赢家全拿的战役 We accept your offer to compete in winner-take-all battles. 集♥合♥你们最英勇的战士

　与我们的菁英战士开战吧 Gather your bravest warriors to face our bravest warriors! 赢家能获得输家的星球 The winner takes the loser"s planet. 你们已经输掉第一战了 You have already lost the first battle. 我们得到了一项战利品 And for our victory, we have taken a trophy. 妈妈

　我没事 I"m okay, Mama. 我爱你 I love you. 那不是真的麦当娜 That"s not the real Madonna! 你们有三次机会 You will get three lives. 现在剩下两次 You have two lives left. 打输将导致你们星球完全毁灭 Losing both will lead to the total destruction of your planet. 下次战役在 15 小时后 The next battle is in 15 hours 座标 27°24"79" at coordinates 27°24" 79". 我听一半就搞混了

　 Okay, I got lost about halfway through.

　麦当娜为什么要接管地球 Why does Madonna wanna take over our planet? 这些白♥痴♥外星人

　以为 1982 年太空总署送上太空 These moron aliens think that the footage NASA sent up to space 我们打电玩的影片 of us playing video games in 1982 是在宣战 was a declaration of war. 星际战争

　总统先生

　 Intergalactic war, Mr. President.

　是不是太夸张

　太意外了 Isn"t that crazy? Isn"t that unpredictable? 小鲁

　听好

　小时候你帮我偷接第四台 Lud, listen. You helped unscramble my Cinemax when we were kids. 你可以叫我楚巴卡 I think you can call me Chewie. 他们说三次机会是什么意思 What do they mean by three lives? What is that? 我来回答

　是这样的 If I may. See, that"s just it. 那就像老式电玩

　楚巴卡总统 It"s like the video games of old, Chewie Mr. President. 投一枚硬币可以死三次 One quarter, three lives. 这绝对不是硬币

　值钱多了

　我可以留着吗 This is clearly not a quarter. This is far more valuable. May I keep this? -放回桌上

　-没问题 -Put it back on the desk. -Fair enough. 我们输掉第一战

　小蜜蜂 We lost the first one, Galaga. 再输两次 Two more losses and... 游戏结束 It"s game over. 现在

　假设... Now, assuming that... -你作梦

　-没问题 -You know what, that"s not happening. -Fair enough. 假设外星麦当娜说的座标

　是真实的经纬度 Assuming that Alien Madonna"s numbers are actually latitude and longitude, 那我们可认定下次攻击会发生在 then we can safely assume that the next attack should happen somewhere 今晚的北印度 in Northern India tonight. 如果你能请国安局人员确认讯号♥ If you can get your guys from the NSA to clean up the signal, 我们就能确定攻击地点 then we can pinpoint exactly where the attack is gonna be, 甚至知道他们要用

　哪种游戏攻击我们 and maybe even which game they"re gonna use to attack us. 我不能下令军方采取行动 I can"t authorize a military response 因为那可能是高中生拍的影片 based off a video that looks like it was made by a couple high school kids. 至少警告印度人可能有状况 You gotta at least warn the people of India somethin" could be comin". 全国上下已经把我当小丑 The whole country thinks I"m a buffoon right now as it is. 我不能冒险

　布伦纳

　不行 Look, I can"t risk it, Brenner. I just can"t! 我们交往快三年了 So I guess we"ve been dating for almost three years now. 对

　将近三年 Yes, almost three. 这是我人生最快乐的三年 They have been the best years of my life. 我们的感情非常特别 ...and I think we have something very special. 拉吉

　这是我想的那样吗 Raj, is this what I think it is? 你愿意嫁给我吗 Will you marry me? 不要担心泰姬玛哈陵 Don"t sweat the whole Taj Mahal thing. 世界只剩六大奇景或许比较好 It"s probably better that there"s only an even six Wonders of the World now. 我懂

　我搞砸了 You know what? I get it. I screwed up. 下不为例

　闭嘴 It won"t happen again. Shut up. 早

　总统先生 Good morning, Mr. President. 拳国电子哥在这里干嘛 What"s Radio Shack Robbie doing here? And this other 还有这一位 fella. 嗨

　拉德洛 Hi. Ludlow Lamonsoff. 其实我们见过 We"ve actually met before, but you wouldn"t remember 我在布伦纳车子后座 because it was in the back of Brenner"s van

　透过车窗看你 and I was watching you through a window. 你好香

　像...

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