The,Change-Up《两男变错身（2011）》完整中英文对照剧本

化妆间 一个月后 史蒂夫·德赖弗 手指激♥情♥ 该你了 Your turn. 来了

　擦 on, fuck. 行了行了

　醒了 Okay, I"m awake. 早上好 Good morning. 你俩今天怎么这么早就折腾啊 You guys are up a little early today, huh. 做噩梦了? Did we have some nightmares or something? 看看你给爸爸准备了什么好东西? Let"s see what you made for daddy. 一起看看吧 Let"s see. 我也不想裤子里夹着那玩意儿睡觉 I wouldn"t like to sleep with that in my pants, either. 但大学时确实有过这么一次 But it did happen once in college. 宝贝你能把那瓶子放下么? Can you leave that bottle alone, honey? 放下好不好? Can you put it down? 宝贝... 莎拉... Honey... Sarah... 别

　别! 哦亲爱的! No, no! Sweetheart! 擦 Damn. 先回你小暖窝里待会儿吧 I know. I"ll have you back in your warm little bed in one second. 去吧

　宝贝 Here you go. Back to bed, sweetheart. 尿布换好啦 You got a fresh, dry diapy. 彼得... Peter... 彼得

　别介! Peter, please! 头撞不过床的

　咱不是讨论过了么 Buddy, we talked about the head thing. 我来给你贴上新尿布 Let me get you all hooked up. 待好了

　别掉下去 Hang on, don"t fall. 哦

　不 Oh, no. 彼得... 哦 Peter... Oh. 搞定

　爹要看电视了 Okay. A little something for daddy. 斯蒂尔

　库和巴♥赫♥

　麦克劳德法律事务所

　早上好 -Steel, Kuhbach, McCloud Law Firm. -Good morning. 早上好

　洛克伍德 Good morning, Lockwood. 早上好

　斯蒂尔先生 Good morning, Mr. Steel. 谢谢 Thank you. 孩子都好吧? How are the kids? 哦

　很好

　他们很好 Oh, they"re terrific. Just terrific. 有孩子真是一大乐事 Children are such a joy. 是啊

　当然 Yes, absolutely. Always. 并购的事怎么样了? Any word on the Amalgamated merger? 就差签字了 That"s all but signed. 这单谈成了

　就该进行你的合伙人资格评估了 And just in time for your partner review, no less. 真的? 我都没注意 Really? Oh, I hadn"t noticed. 评估在合伙人专用套间进行

　洛克伍德 I look forward to having your antic sense of humor 别太僵硬死板

　好好表现 in the partner suite, Lockwood. 希望你顺利通过 It can get a touch dry up there. 好的

　谢谢 Thank you so much. Hmm. 不过这双温莎结[一种领带系法] But a Double Windsor? 快别了

　又不是赛狗去 Come on, son. This is not the dog track. 哦

　当然 No. Yes. 好的 Yeah. 这就重系

　谢谢提醒 Absolutely not. Thank you. 嗨 Hi. 真的戴夫

　又不是去赛狗 Seriously, Dave, this isn"t the dog track. 啊

　早上好

　塞布丽娜 Yeah. Good morning, Sabrina. 上周他说我的鞋像意大利黑♥手♥党♥穿的 Last week he told me my shoes were dangerously Italian. 什么? what? 并购材料? 要我去汇报? My turn with the Amalgamated files? 嗯

　我调整了下评估程序

　以便体现新的每月预测 Yeah, I adjusted the WACC to reflect the new monthly projections, 23 到 29 条也进行了预谈判 and I pre-negotiated articles 23 through 29. 好的 Okay. 顺便说下

　我更喜欢你以前的样子 I like the way you had it before, by the way. 是啊

　谢谢 Yeah. Thank you. 早上好

　帕特里夏 Good morning, Patricia. 弟弟

　便便

　妹妹

　鸡鸡

　洞洞 Penis, shit, vagina, cock, wolf pussies. 米奇

　我上班呢 Mitch. I"m at work. -吓着了吧

　-多明白啊 -Did I get you? -Yeah. You sure did. -免提呢? -是啊 You got me on speakerphone? Yep. 秘书听到了? Did the secretary hear? 是

　秘书听到了

　一点儿没落 Yes, the secretary heard. She heard it all. 哈

　爽 That"s awesome. 爽个屁

　你丫磕了多少? Not really. How stoned are you right now? 就来了点大♥麻♥ I"ve taken some weed. -真的? -嗯 Have you? Mmm-hmm. -知道现在几点了么? -嗯 Do you know what time it is? Mmm-mmm. 早上九点 It"s like 9:00. 我勒个去 Holy fuck-knuckles. -猜我现在跟前放着个啥? -你那破钟? Guess what I"m looking at right now. A bong? 不是

　我昨晚在街上看见个蒲团 No, I found a futon on the street last night. 就跟那流浪汉打架抢过来了

　他太弱了 I sort of had to fight a bum for it. He was so thin. 还抢了个很漂亮的纳瓦霍马鞍垫... And it also came with this vintage Navajo pony blanket... 哥们儿赚大发了 So I think that"s pretty much a win for me. 米奇

　成年人都是要工作的 Mitch, you know the adults are about to fire up a work day. -我知道

　就是想你了

　没别的

　-我也想你 I know, I just miss you, dude, that"s all. I miss you, too. 三年级起咱俩就是最亲近的兄弟 We"ve been super best buddies since third grade. 我好久都没见着你了 I haven"t seen you in forever. 嗯

　我太忙了 Oh, I"ve been swamped. 我们正对双胞胎进行睡眠训练 We"re sleep-training the twins, 我都快累的喘不动气了 and I just haven"t had a moment to breathe. 真倒霉

　我就是超想见你 I"m sorry, man. I"m just super-excited to see you. 咱今晚说好的聚会还算数吧? We are still on for tonight, right? -大卫? -嗯? David? Yep. 当然

　当然

　为了... 那啥 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -For the thingy. 亚特兰大勇士队对佛罗里达马林鱼队

　别说你忘了 Braves-Marlins. Please don"t tell me that you forgot. 没 Didn"t forget. 你几点来接我? What time are you going to pick me up? 别让我自己看球

　大卫 Don"t you bail on me, David. 不会的 I am not going to bail. 如果你不来

　我就照"眼睛强♥奸♥"的字面意思对你 If you bail on me, I"m going to literally eye-rape you. 明白 I got it. 我会真的捅到你的眼睛里... 喔! I will actually place myself inside your ocular... Oh! 我爸来了 It"s my dad. 老米奇·普隆克

　很少见啊 Mitch Planko, Sr. making a rare appearance. 他瞅我老费劲了 This guy fucking hates me. -6 点去找你

　-知道了 -I"ll pick you up at 6:00. -Got it. 挂了 Kirk out. 爸 Dad. 你来干嘛? What are you doing here? 就是过来告诉你 Oh, I just came by to tell you 儿子你是多么让我骄傲 how incredibly proud of you I am, son. 我虽然有点高了 I"m pretty baked right now, 但还是能听出来你在讽刺我 but I think you"re being sarcastic. 是么? Right? 不

　高中退学去当演员 No, dropping out of high school 这决定挺不赖的 to be an actor was a great decision. 我碰巧见着你给那肉商做的演出了 I saw you in that commercial for meat, incidentally. 你这香肠演的

　人类已经阻止不了你了 That was the most brilliant portrayal of baloney I have ever seen. 你过来干嘛? Why are you here? 来看看你想不想一起吃点早餐 Just came by to see if you"d like to have some breakfast. 不行啊

　我 10 分钟后有个超重要的电♥话♥会要开 I can"t. I got a super-duper important conference call in 10 minutes. -你没工作

　-你没头发 You don"t have a job. You don"t have any hair. 是啊 Right. 好吧

　那我就在这儿说吧 Well, then I"ll just say it here. 我又要结婚了 I"m getting married again, 想要你来参加婚礼 and I"d like you to come to the wedding. -什么时候? -下周六 When"s the wedding? Next Saturday. 我的未婚妻帕梅拉 My betrothed, Pamela, would like you 想让你来讲几句话 to be there to say a few words. 你下次结婚我再去吧 I"ll catch the next one. 嗯

　好吧

　那我最好回去 Yeah, right. Okay, well, then I"d better get home 弄弄我的鞋 and boil my shoes. -见到你很高兴

　-我也是 Great visiting. You, too. 好吧 Good. 吃小孩的妖怪 And the baby-eating monster 从深渊里爬了上来! rises from the deep! 爸爸

　你喜欢哪个? Hey, Daddy, which one do you like better? 帝王斑蝶还是斑星弄蝶? The southern monarch or the many-spotted skipperling? 爹永远都是斑星弄蝶的粉 I am a many-spotted skipperling man, all the way. 帝王斑蝶就是炫点儿的蛾子

　不是么? The monarch is just a glorified moth, don"t you think? 嗯

　我觉得也是 Yes. I tend to agree. -妈妈! -嗨! Hi, Mom! Hi! 今天太郁闷了 What a bad, bad day. 嗨 Hi. 分区规划委又让我们停业 The zoning board shut us down for the millionth time. 克莱因医生把双胞胎的免疫卡丢了 Dr. Klein lost the twins" immunization records. 凯拉在芭蕾课上又受欺负了 And Cara got bullied in ballet class again. 你跟爸爸说了么? Did you tell Daddy? 做小踢腿时妮可莱特·彼得斯把我推倒了 Nicolette Peters keeps knocking me over during the battement glissé. 哦真可怜小瓢虫

　你没事吧? Oh, I"m sorry, sugarbug. Are you okay? 我们正努力和平解决这事儿 We just need to keep striving for verbal resolution. 嗯

　好

　和平解决 Yeah, yeah. Verbal resolution, sweetheart. 你觉得今晚在哪儿谈比较合适? So where do you want to do this tonight? 谈什么? Do what? 今天是交流日 Dialogue Night. 哦上帝 Oh, my God. 亲爱的... Honey... 别说了 Don"t even say that. 非常抱歉

　是我不好 I"m so sorry. I suck. 蒂尔曼医生说一周就一次

　一次就一小时 Dr. Tillman said just once a week, for one hour. 对不起 I"m sorry. 三个月前就这么建议咱们了 That was three months ago. 我知道

　我听他说了 I know. I heard her. 我也想坐下来好好跟你交流一小时 And I want to sit and talk with you for an hour 每周几次都行

　但今天不行 more than once a week, but tonight, I cannot. 为什么? 你有事? Why? What are you doing? 我答应米奇要跟他 I promised Mitch I would sit and watch 一起看比赛... a game with him tonight, and... 什么? What? 能不能往后推推? Can we please just slide the Dialogue Night again? 真对不起 I"m so sorry. 周一不行 I can do Monday night. 谢谢 Thank you. 他来早了 He"s early. 你要整天吃鹰嘴豆泥和打飞机 Yeah, you"d be early, too, 你也会无聊地早点过来 if all you did all day was eat hummus and masturbate. 什么是鹰嘴豆泥? What"s hummus? 地中海地区人们吃的一种流食 That is a Mediterranean spread, honey. 什么是打飞机? What"s master-ate? 就是薄脆饼干 It"s a cracker. 嗨米奇

　发型不错 Oh, hey, Mitch. Your hair looks good. 谢谢 Thanks. 为了拍个脑残的卫生巾广♥告♥剪的 Yeah, I had to cut it for a fucking tampon commercial. 米奇叔叔! -Uncle Mitch! 我的小芭蕾舞演员挺好的吧? How"s my favorite ballerina doing? -你好米奇叔叔

　-你好啊 Hi, Uncle Mitch. Hi! Wow! 天哪你怎么这么轻

　减肥呢? Gosh, you"re so light. Are you dieting? 你要不要来参加我的舞蹈演出会? Do you want to come to my dance recital? 哦 Oh! 不去了

　宝贝 No, honey. 米奇叔叔只喜欢一种舞蹈 The only style of dancing that Uncle Mitch likes 就是女人们攀着钢管群魔乱舞 involves a big, shiny pole, and a broken woman with daddy issues. 好了不聊了 Yeah, story time is over. 去弄弄你的头发吧 Go fix your hair. 喔 Ow. 真香啊

　杰姆 Mmm, smells good in here, Jame. 嗯 Mmm. 哇! 好吃的! Ooh! Num-nums! 蔬菜泥! Vegetable medley! -最近怎么样? -挺好的 How are you? Good. -过得不错? -是啊 You"re good? Yeah. 没找女朋友? Are you dating anyone? -你知道我看上谁了? -谁? Ooh! You know who I ran into? Who? 德鲁伊山社区星巴克的西卡姆女士 Mrs. Hickham at a Starbucks in Druid Hills. -我们的社会学老师? -是啊 Our social studies teacher? Yeah. 我约她

　她不甩我 I asked her out and she wouldn"t go out with me, 太过分了

　高中时我俩还搞过呢 which is crazy, because I nailed her in high school. -你俩? -整个学期我都在跟她的嘴巴约会 You did? I dated her mouth for a full semester. 都弄好了

　洗澡

　换尿布

　乖乖的 -Okay. -Bathed, diapered, and in the PJs. 戴夫能满足你么? 我是说在床上 Is Dave meeting your needs, sexually? -能吧

　我想

　-不错 -Yeah, I guess. -Good. -有时不行

　-哦 Not really, mmm-mmm. Ahh. 真想把你捆眼前说"我行" I would like to strap you to my face and say the alphabet. 别扯了 That"s going too far. 噢! Oh! 瞧这俩小傻蛋! Look at these little fuckers! 你叫什么? What"s your name? Hey. 你叫什么? 嗯? What"s your name? What"s your name? 他俩怎么不说话? 不是痴呆吧? Why can"t they talk yet? Are they retarded or something? 说什么呢

　别胡扯 Don"t say... You can"t say that. 他不是唐氏症患儿吧 Well, this one right here looks a little Downsy. -闭嘴

　-开个玩笑么 -Or that. -I"m kidding. -确实有点儿像

　-滚 A little bit, though? No. 小南瓜

　比赛结束我们就回来

　好吧? Pumpkin, we"ll see you right after the game, okay? 去吧 Have fun. 小家伙真好玩

　哦怎么哭了 I like it. Oh, God. -走吧

　-拜拜 Let"s go. Okay. Bye. 米奇戴夫二人组 Mitch and Dave. 米奇戴夫二人组

　进城过夜生活啦 Mitch and Dave, out on the town. 哦哥们儿

　忘告诉你了! Oh, dude, I didn"t tell you! 这周哥要演个主角 I booked a major movie role this week. 试镜通过了 I auditioned for a movie role, I got it. -哥第一个主角啊

　-不赖啊

　片子叫什么? Yeah, first one. Hey, good for you. What is it called? "无名牛片" Untitled Awesome Movie. 真的? 叫这名? Truly? That"s the name? -嗯

　-嗯

　恭喜 Yeah. Yeah. Good for you. -来根不? -不了 Do you want to hotbox this nut sack? No, no. -明天还有事儿呢

　-扶下车把

　嗯

　方向盘 I"ve got a big day tomorrow. Take the wheel. Steer. Steering wheel. 扶下方向盘 Oh, steer for me. 拜托

　米奇 Mitch, come on, buddy. 咱得活着才能看比赛

　不是么? Let"s make it to the game in one piece, don"t you think? 试试? 好歹是辆菲罗

　不过不幸没气囊 Want to try that? This Fiero, unfortunately, is airbag-free. 明天又不是周末 It"s a work day tomorrow. -尝尝呗

　-好好

　给我来一口 Come on. All right, I"ll take one hit. 喔! 你他♥娘♥的♥... 个猪猡! Oh! What the... You motherfucker! 专心开车先 Let"s just focus on the driving. 你是老大? 擦

　太过分了 Just say no, Reagan. God, why would you do that? -行了

　专心开车

　-我去! Well, we"re driving. God! -车速这么快

　-太恐怖了 This is a car carrying a lot of speed. This is terrible. 扶好方向盘

　我得再来一根! Hit the steering wheel. I"m going again! 喔! 干了! Whoo! Drink! 三振出局啊

　牛! 干了! I"ll drink to that. All right! That was a strikeout. 一起出来玩儿真好

　你最近怎么样? Huh, what"s going on? It is good to see you again. 是啊

　我也很高兴 It"s good to see you, too, Dave. 女生追得怎么样了? What"s going on with the women, huh? 我追过一些很好

　很不错的女孩 I"ve been seeing a number of very, very nice ladies. -看照片

　-哇 I got some pictures. Wow. 这是塔蒂阿娜 That is Tatiana. 塔蒂阿娜 Tatiana. 姓什么? What"s her last name? 塔蒂阿娜·"半夜三点求我搞" It"s Tatiana Calls-me-at-three-in-the-morning-and-wants-to-fuck-stein. 爱他妈姓啥姓啥 Who gives a shit what her last name is? 米奇

　她让我想起了塞布丽娜 Mitch. Reminds me a little bit of Sabrina. 哈! 嗯? 谁是塞布丽娜? Yeah! Wait, who"s Sabrina? 塞布丽娜是... Sabrina. She"s this... 是我公♥司♥一个新来的法律助理 She"s this new law associate at my work. 她太漂亮了

　天哪米奇

　太绝了 She"s so hot. Oh, Mitch, is she hot. Uh-oh. 跟时尚大♥片♥里的模特似的 She"s like fall-out-of-a-magazine hot, you know? 她是你"癌症名单"上的第一个吧? I bet she"s number one on your cancer list, right? 什么名单? What is that? -得了吧

　你能不知道? -啥玩意儿? Come on, you know what that is. What is that? 每个已婚男人都有这么个名单 Every married guy has a cancer list. 就是你老婆突然得癌症死掉后 It"s the first three women you"d have sex with 你会跟她上♥床♥的三个女人 if your wife suddenly died of cancer. 简直有病 That"s fucking sick. 那可是我孩子的妈啊 Come on. That"s the mother of my children. 嗯

　我知道 Oh, I know. 不过要列的话

　嗯

　她是第一个 But I"ll play. Yes, she"d be at the top of that list. 就像天上掉下的林妹妹

　了解 It"s like a gift. Yeah. 不说我了

　接着说你这个 -But I interrupted you. -Tell me about this one again. 上周

　塔蒂阿娜穿了条黑色紧身迷你裙 God, last week, Tatiana, she comes over, 过来找我 she"s wearing this tight black mini-dress, 你知道她跟我说什么了? and you know what she says to me? -慢点说

　-什么也没说 Tell me slow. No, nothing. 因为塔蒂阿娜只想在凌晨 3 点 Because all Tatiana wants to do at 3:00 in the morning 跟我一直不停地搞

　没时间说话 is fucky, fucky, rubber ducky. 这女人就是一性♥饥♥渴♥! This chick is insatiable! 她想在院子里每种姿势都来一遍 She wants it in every position under the sun. 主呀

　你走狗屎运了 God, you"re so lucky. 我们试了老汉推车

　如坐针毡 We do the Wheelbarrow, the Arabian Goggles, 金鸡独♥立♥

　观音座莲 the Lonesome Dove, the Arsenio Hall, 隔岸观火

　爱神之弓

　金鸡独♥立♥... the Jelly Donut, the Pastrami Sandwich, the Wolfgang Puck... 跟你说吧

　男的都受不了 And let me tell you something, no man is that hungry. 什么? 有这么多花样? What? I don"t even know what these are. -你已经结婚啦

　家庭妇男了

　戴夫

　-是啊 You"re married. You"re married, Dave. That"s true. 总之

　我俩做的越来越激烈 Anyway, we start going at it 然后我鼻子就开始流血 and it gets so intense that my nose starts bleeding. 不能吧 Come on. 安妮·赖斯笔下的吸血鬼 This is Dracula, Anne Rice-type shit 在那一刻灵魂附体 happening right in front of me. 真牛 Good for you. 等我们做完

　喘匀了气儿 When all is said and done, when we finish up, and the dust settles, 她抬头看着我说 she looks up at me, and she says, "米切尔

　下周二我过来... " "Mitchell, next Tuesday, I am coming back here, "咱俩得好好的干" "and we"re really going to fuck." 日! Yes! 日啊! 塔蒂阿娜 Yes! Tatiana. 妈的

　米奇啊

　米奇米奇 Fuck. Mitch, Mitch, Mitch. 你真是... You"re just... 这些事儿我都没戏了 How did I miss this? 疯狂做♥爱♥

　嗑药

　放纵一切 I missed all the sex and the drugs and the bad choices, 我他妈急什么啊! 急个什么劲啊! and I just fucking rushed it, didn"t I? Wasn"t I rushing? 你是挺急的 You were busy. 急着考个好大学 Rushing to get into a good college, right? 进个好法律学院 And then into a good law school. 一旦进了个好法律学院 Once I got into a good law school, 我就想进个好法律事务所 I just wanted to get into a good law firm. 遇到杰米

　结婚

　生了凯拉

　就完啦 I met Jamie, we got married, we had Cara, and that was it. 20 多岁时都没享受到

　现在晚啦 I pissed away my 20s, right? Now it"s too late. 行了

　别身在福中不知福了

　你还缺啥啊 Look, shitbird. You got it made! 火♥辣♥的老婆 You have an extremely hot wife, 漂亮的房♥子 and you got a beautiful house 满屋的东西

　吃的

　还有孩子 that"s full of furniture and food and kids. 又赚那么多钱 And you make a ton of money. 晚上下班回家 And you come home at the end of the day 一屋人都关心你 and you"re surrounded by people who give a shit about you. 你永远都不会觉得孤独 You"re never lonely. 你还想要什么? What more do you want? 想要什么? 听着 I"ll tell you what I want, okay? 我想换种活法儿 I want something different. 我想像你这么过 I want your life, you know? 我想要塞布丽娜

　想要塔蒂阿娜 I want Sabrina. I want Tatiana. 想和不认识的女人做♥爱♥ And sex with strange, new women. 你简直就是活在梦里 You"re living the dream. 一年工作一周

　当演员多幸福 How much fun is it being an actor, working one week a year? 我想抽上一整天的大♥麻♥ I want to smoke weed all day. 我想完整地看完一本书 I want to start a book that I actually finish. 我想没那么多事儿催命似的 I would like to take a nice, solid dump 拉个便便都得赶紧的速度解决 because I"m not constantly stressed out. 我想学学旱冰 I want to learn how to rollerblade. 我还想嘘一个 And I"d like to take a piss. 我也想

　去喷泉那儿吧 Me, too. Fountain, fountain, fountain. 好吧 Perfect. 喔! Whoo! 这小妞不高兴了 This chick does not look happy. 我真是挺嫉妒你的生活的 I was just saying that I really envy your life. -真的

　-我还嫉妒你的呢 That"s all. I envy yours. 你才不呢

　你就是不想让我郁闷罢了 No, you don"t. You"re just trying to be nice. 扯

　真的

　我真是嫉妒你 I"m not. I do, I envy it. 我嫉妒你 No. I envy yours. 我想过上你的生活 I wish I had your life. 分片儿停电? it"s rolling blackouts or something? 可能吧 Yeah, I guess. 看你嘘的

　又高又远 Look at your flow, it"s so nice and thick. 身强体壮啊 It"s confident. -你的热气腾腾的

　-谢谢 Yours is very steamy. Thanks. 我的泌尿大夫说我是热性尿 My urologist says I run a little hot. -好了没? -好了 Good to go? Oh, yeah. -你还能开车么? -没问题! Can you drive? Oh, yeah! 大爷的! Holy fuck-knuckles! 我的钟呢? Where is my bong? 谁他妈的孩子? Whose fucking kid is that? 这他妈什么枕头啊这是? What is with all these goddamn pillows? 杰米! 天哪! Jamie! Jesus! -怎么了? -太他妈恶心了! What? That"s fucking disgusting! 赶紧盖上

　又不是在非洲! Put those tits away, this isn"t Africa! 我怎么在这儿? 我昨晚没走? What am I doing in this bed? Did I sleep here last night? 我搞你了? Did I fucking nail you? 还没醒酒呢? Are you still drunk? 戴夫! Dave! 洛克伍德跑哪儿去了? Where is Lockwood? 搞什么飞机? What the fuck? 哦天哪 Oh, my God. 我变成戴夫了? I"m Dave? 我日啊! Oh, my God! 开开门

　戴夫! Open the goddamn door, Dave. 赶紧的

　开门

　快! Come on, open up the door, right now. 擦 Fuck. 快点兄弟

　赶紧把门打开 Come on, buddy, open up the door immediately. 速度点儿 Let"s do it. 戴夫! 速度开门! Dave, come on. Open up the door, right now! -行了我醒了

　-快他妈的开门! -Okay, I"m awake. -Open up this fucking door! 快他妈开门

　戴夫! Open the goddamn door, Dave! 米奇? Mitch? 我怎么在你的公♥寓♥? Why am I in your apartment? 戴夫赶紧的

　开门! Dave, hurry up, open up the door! 这事儿太邪了

　看见我你就知道了 -Something very bad has happened. -Wait until you see me. -看见你自己你就知道了! -我勒个去

　着什么急 Wait until you see you! Jesus Christ, relax. 太邪了哥们儿

　快开门! -Super freaky, dude. -Let"s do it! 哦 Oh. 他妈怎么回事? What the hell is this? 我就知道

　哦天哪 I knew it. Oh, my God. 猫了个咪滴

　这他妈怎么回事? Jesus Christ, what the fuck is this? 瞧瞧吧 Look at this. 没错

　我就是你 Yeah, it"s you. 你是我

　鼻子嘴巴都是我的 And this is all me. All of this shit is mine. 不用谢 You"re welcome. 我现在是个小矮子了 I got this. 你要干嘛? What are you doing to me? 快住手

　我怎么这么有劲 -Hey, stop it. -I"m so strong. 你要掐死你自己了 You"re choking yourself! 赶紧醒醒 Must wake up. 醒醒! Wake up! 憋死了

　快把我的手拿开 I can"t breathe. Take my hands off you. -醒醒! -滚一边儿去! Wake up! Get the fuck off me! 啊! 行了行了别打了! Okay, okay, okay! 去照照镜子

　快! Go look in the mirror. Right there! 明白了? All right? 我变成傻子了 I"m a douche bag. 我他妈就是个洋娃娃! I"m a fucking tool! 噢! 你干啥了都? Oh! What did you do? 我♥干♥啥了? 你以为我想变成你啊? What did I do? You think I want to be you? 谁说我想变成你的! Who said I wanted to be you? 日

　咱俩说的 Holy shit, we did. 咱俩说的

　想要过对方的生活 We wished for each other"s lives 昨晚在那个鬼喷泉里嘘嘘的时候 when we were pissing in that fucking fountain last night. 咱俩说想要过过对方的生活 We wished we had each other"s lives. 我只是不想你郁闷而已! I was just trying to be nice! 上帝啊! Oh, my God! 到喷泉有条近道! I know a shortcut to the fountain. 这边! Go this way. 看车! 慢点开 Careful! Easy. 知道了

　知道了 I got it. I got it. 到了喷泉然后呢? What are we going to do when we get to the fountain? 接着朝里面嘘嘘 We"re going to take a piss in it, or... 我才不管呢

　咱俩得换回来 I don"t give a shit. We"re gonna get our lives back. 开什么国际玩笑 You"ve got to be kidding me. 嗨! 喷泉呢? Hey, where is the fountain? 重建了 It is getting restored. 什么重建? 搬哪儿去了? What are you talking about, restored? Where did you take it? 不知道

　我只管把这儿填平 I don"t know, guy, I just fill the hole. 我又不是喷泉发言人 I"m not the fountain spokesman. 你大爷的... Hey, motherfucker... 谁

　谁知道喷泉搬哪儿了? Whoa, whoa, who could tell us where it is? 问问区管委会吧 Maybe ask the district manager. 没有

　没查到 Nope. It is not in the computer. 嗯

　什么时候能查到? Okay, when will it be in the computer? 明天? 明天维克托就回来了 Maybe tomorrow. That"s when Victor gets back. 没在公园里

　电脑里也查不到 It"s not in the computer, it"s not in the park. 谁是维克托? Who is Victor? 知道档案存在哪个盘里的人 The guy that knows how to find shit in the computer. 你们怎么能搞丢个喷泉? How can you lose a fountain? -这对我们很重要

　明白? -这可是个喷泉啊! This is a big deal to us, okay? I mean, it"s a fountain! -能不能再仔细查查? -简直不可想象! Can you look a little bit harder? That"s incredible! 查不到 It is not in the computer. 你摆个臭脸给谁看... Yeah, but your attitude is right on your shoulders. 别激动! 别介! No, no, no! 不要有肢体接触 There was no physical contact. 没事了

　没事了 We"re okay. We"re fine. We"re fine. 45 分钟后我有个这辈子最重要的会

　我完啦 I have the biggest meeting in my life in 45 minutes. This isn"t happening. 你今天有什么安排? Did you have something you wanted to do today? 今天也是我演出的大日子 I"ve got day one of my big break movie. 我要是不去开会

　就不能成为合伙人 If I don"t make this meeting, I don"t make partner, 这 15 年我就白干了! and the last 15 years of my life, everything I"ve done, wasted! 好吧

　我去 All right, fine, I"ll do it. 明白了

　我去 I"ve got it. I"ll do it. -我来演你

　-干什么? I got you. Do what? 我是个演员啊

　人型变色龙 I"m an actor. Human chameleon. 睡着了我都能演律师

　给我你的钥匙 I can do lawyer in my fucking sleep. Give me the keys. 哦

　你想出演"我"这个角色? Oh, you"ll play me in one of your productions? -嗯

　给我钥匙

　-不行 Yeah, give me the keys. Okay, no. -为什么? -因为你... Why? Because you"re... 注意言辞啊 Careful. 因为电视上演的那些远远不够

　米奇 Because there"s more to being a lawyer than what you see on TV, Mitch. -真的? -当然 Is there? Yeah. -我反对! -哦天哪 I object! Oh, my God. -怎么样? -不怎么样! Okay? No! 这么不行啊兄弟

　你都不知道

　做律师的首要原则是什么 Wrong, my friend. You don"t know the first thing about being a lawyer. 你又不是个有经验的演员 You"re not a trained actor. 你是? ! Neither are you. 试试吧

　戴夫

　就一天 Save it, all right, Dave? 咱俩可是米奇戴夫二人组啊! It"s one day. We"re Mitch and Dave! 就一天咱俩干什么不行啊

　快给我钥匙 We can do one day of anything. Give me the keys. 没别的主意就听我的

　走吧 Let"s go. Do you have a better plan? 大爷的

　好吧 Shit. Okay. All right. -你只有 41 分钟了

　知道么? -好的! You"ve got 41 minutes, okay? Great! 你去我家穿上我的衣服 Go to my house, get dressed in my clothes. 然后去我公♥司♥

　找到我的法律助理

　塞布丽娜 Then you go to my office, find my legal associate, Sabrina. 从她那儿拿上并购合同 Get the merger documents from her, 拿到会议室

　然后... take them to the conference room, and... 哦上帝啊

　合伙人都在那儿 Oh, God, the partners are going to be there. 听好了

　一个字都别说 Listen, do not say a single word. 如果有人问我问题呢? What if somebody asks me a question? 没人问你问题 They"re not going to ask you a damn thing. 一旦开始开会

　你就什么都别说 Once the meeting starts, you will continue to say nothing. 有人跟你要并购合同时 When a partner asks you for the merger documents, 你默默地递过去就行了 you will then silently hand them over. 明白了

　演个大人物

　保持我的本色 I get it. Play it big, but maintain my reality. -很简单

　-不! 你要默默无闻的 It"s pretty simple. No! You play it small. 我费了九个月的劲 I have spent the last nine months 才做成这桩并购 banging out the terms of this deal. 你只需要把文件递出去

　就行了 The only thing you have to do is hand over the documents, that"s it. 得了吧哥们儿! 激动个屁啊! Dude, easy as fuck. 开会时可不能这么说啊

　米奇 You can"t say things like that in the meeting, Mitch. 好

　要品行端正 True. Good note. 你呢

　去我家

　所有的资料都在冰箱上 For me, you go to my house, okay? All my info is on my fridge. 到了片场就去化妆室 When you get to the set, you go to hair and makeup, 记得好好背背台词 and you learn your lines. 最重要的是

　别他妈给我演砸了

　嗯? Most of all, do not fuck this up for me, all right? 这可是我出名的机会啊

　明白不? This is my big break, my Raging Bull. Do you hear me? 你要尊重我的艺术

　尊重我的生活 You respect my art, you respect my life. 你也要尊重我的 You respect mine. -行了明白了

　抱一个

　-嗯

　就这样吧 Yeah, I got you. Power hug. Come on. Yeah, okay. 等等

　你得去接凯拉 -Hold on. -You got to pick up Cara. 四点去芭蕾舞教室接凯拉

　听见了? Pick up Cara from ballet at 4:00, okay? 等好儿吧您那 I am fucking all over that shit. 我勒个去 Holy shit. 大清早的打高尔夫去

　洛克伍德? Early morning on the golf course, Lockwood? 哈哈! 聪明! Ha-ha! Terrific! 啊! 好吃的! Num-nums! 我擦

　真多! Fucking score! 都能他妈开个店啦 Fucking grocery store. 都是给小米奇的 Look at all of this for little Mitchie-poo. 太棒了! Nice! 你在这儿啊 Oh, there you are. 我把 10-19 条统计变式重做了

　别的没动

　准备好了么? I redid the 10-19 variants, everything else is the same. Ready? 你一定是塞布丽娜吧? Oh, you must be Sabrina, huh? 你一定是戴夫 You must be Dave. 角色扮演么? 咱都快迟到了 Are we role-playing or something? Because we"re late. 他没说你辣的让人一看就想日 He didn"t tell me you were a big, fat, fucking boner. 对不起

　不该这么说

　是吧? Sorry. That was unprofessional. Wasn"t it? 戴夫早上吃错药了? 怎么神经兮兮的? Dave have a mimosa for breakfast? A little nervous? 开个玩笑罢了... 等等... That was a joke. Hey... 去之前我有个非常重要的问题 I"ve got one really important question before we go. 这些吃的

　不要钱吧? All this food here, is it free? 你拿好这些 You got this. 哦

　好 Yeah, I got it. -我拿着

　-去吧 I got it. Okay. 走 Let"s do this. 很好

　你记得路吧? All right. You remember though? 哦对了

　在那边

　明白 Oh, right. It"s down there. Got it. -洛克伍德

　-到! Lockwood. Yep. 坐到桌边上来 Perhaps you would like to sit on our side of the table. 谢谢 Thanks. 正式签字前 Now, before we formalize this merger, 有没有什么要强调的? are there any outstanding questions we might address? 我们的粗略计算分♥析♥显示 Our back-of-the-envelope analysis 依据"重大不利变化"条款 shows your P&L to be 2% less than expected 你们的盈亏比期望值低了 2% as per the MAC clause. 能不能保证高水平的 Can I get confirmation that the EBITDA 税前盈利? still aligns with comfortable... 戴夫? Dave? -戴夫! -到! 这儿呢 Dave! Yes. Dave is here. 你好 Hey, man. 你好 Hey. 哦

　这个给你 Oh, I"ve got your thing. 任务完成! Boom! 不

　戴夫

　嗯... No, Dave, uh... 金卡布先生对于税前盈利有个疑问 Mr. Kinkabe had a question about the EBITDA. 好吧 Okay. 嗯

　解释解释? Uh, how is it? 挺好的 Good. 好? Good? 说什么了我? What am I saying? 这数很烂 EBITDA is bad. 垃圾透了 Fucking terrible. 你是说酬金需要调整? Are you saying the premium needs to be adjusted? 我没这么说 I didn"t say that. 我说了么? 没 Did you hear me say it? Nope. 加权平均资本成本呢? What about our WACC? 你们用哪种多重概率比例规模抽样计算的? Huh? What PPS multiple are you using? -什么意思? -融♥资♥不稳定了? What"s that? Is the financing still stable? 别激动

　同志们 Hang on, guys. 这边有 25 个人

　干嘛非得为难我? Fucking 25 guys on this side. Can you fire at somebody else? 还有谁能回答这蠢问题? Can anybody else field the fucking question? -戴夫? -嗯? Dave? Yep. 你就是干这个的 It"s your job to know this. 好好

　我明白 Yeah, and I know that. 我们正... 事情都... You know, we"re... Everything is... 这样吧 Here is the deal. 我们很有钱 We are very rich. 大家都有钱! Everybody rich! 赶紧把这个签了 So let"s sign this. 还能有什么坏事儿啊! 是吧? What"s the worst that can happen? Right? 赶紧开完会 We will just roll this party out 去吃点寿司喝点鸡尾酒 to some sushi and some sake bombs. 肯德基爷爷买♥♥单

　然后再来点卡拉 OK? Moustache is buying. And then a little karaoke for dessert? 签了又没什么损失 What have we got to lose? 干完拉倒

　嗯

　肯爷爷? Let"s bones that. Huh, "stache? 开什么玩笑 Is this some kind of joke? 给我们下套? Are you trying to poison the well? 进行非法调查的是你

　金卡布 You are the one on a fishing expedition, Kinkabe. 这次并购你一点都没认真对待 You were never serious about this merger. 我? Me? 这个白♥痴♥是给你工作的

　这事儿是毁在你的手里 This moron works for you. You are the one sabotaging it. 日♥你♥妈♥... 这儿不能用"白♥痴♥"这个词 Fuck you with that... "Moron" is a bad word here. 并购免谈 This merger is over. 你犯了个这辈子最大的错误

　先生 You have just made the biggest mistake of your career, mister. -法庭见

　-别

　别 I will see you in court. No, no. 一帮傻子! What a bunch of bullshit! 别激动

　都坐下啊 Hang on. Don"t get up. 休息了? 中场休息? Is this a break? Taking a break? 这么快? Quick fiver? 你♥他♥妈♥的怎么回事? What the hell was that? 别紧张

　没事 Relax. This is good. 现在正好 Look at how great this is. 一切都在我的秘密计划之内 It"s all part of my secret master plan. -是么? -当然 It is? You bet. 胳膊让你拧断了 You are hurting my arm a little bit. 这笔生意对公♥司♥的存亡很关键 This deal is critical to the very survival of this firm. -明白么? -明白 Is that clear? I got it. 我知道我在干啥

　我都在这儿干了... I know what I"m doing. I"ve been doing it for... 我在这儿干了几年了? How long have I been doing it here, huh? 你知道我为公♥司♥贡献了多少青春 How long have I worked here? You know that. 我想想 I don"t know. -九年? 十年

　-是吧 Nine years, 10. Yeah. 是啊

　就是十年

　没错 Yeah. Perfect. Exactly 10 years, that"s exactly right. 我有没有给你惹过事? And have I ever steered you wrong? 没有 No. 相信我哥们儿 Trust me, bro. 哥们儿? Bro? 好吧 Fine. 但是从现在起

　你给我老实点! But from here on out, you are on an extremely short leash! 明白? Understand? 现在

　赶紧给我换件得体的衣服去 Now, go. Put on some proper clothes. 穿的跟个犹太人似的 You look like a Jew. 哦 Oh. 你好

　请问演员停车位在哪儿? -Excuse me, hello. -Where do the movie stars park? 嗨

　你们好 Hello, there. Hey, man. What"s up? 化妆室在哪儿? Where the fuck is hair and makeup? 我是米切尔·普隆克 Mitch Planko. Fuck me. 那边 Right there. 啊哈 Fuck me. 哈

　这头发

　有意思 Oh, look at that. That looks like fun. 该你上了 Ready for you on set. 要什么喝的? 脉动还是农夫山泉? Anything I can get you? Vitamin water or Pellegrino? 不用了谢谢

　不过这个需要问下你 No, thank you. I just have a quick question. 这个"TS"什么意思? What does that mean, there, "TS?" 亲咪♥咪♥ Titty shot. 这个"BTS"呢? And, "BTS," right there? -一边拍一边亲

　-一边拍一边亲 Bouncing titty shot. Bouncing titty shot. 史蒂夫·德赖弗

　准备好了 Steve Driver, coming to the set. 我有点好奇

　这是哪类电影? I"m just curious, what kind of movie is this? 情♥色♥片 It"s a Iorno. 我不太熟悉这类电影

　欧洲风格? I"m not familiar with that genre. Is that European? 情♥色♥片

　三♥...

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